Home is with Family; This is Just a Cave

also on Ao3

1.

It hurts.

He didn't expect it to hurt this much. He can still feel the burning. Did he really want this? At least its dark. Someone- they introduced themself but he didn't catch their name, too busy trying not to succumb to the rising panic and dread inside him- offers him a hand up. They're shorter than him. He takes it anyway. What else could he do? They say something about a who, and a team- probably a cue for him to introduce himself, say who he is. He barely bites out his team before the panic rises again and chokes him. They make a small oh noise, then, their hands- hands on his back, near his shoulders, grounding but he hates it. Tries to shake them off. They leave his back and he feels a bit better for it. He doesn't feel guilty about that, can't, after all this time. He's never got on well with touch, his family didn't get it but thankfully his whole team understands-

His whole team understood . Because he's in wherever-this-is, dead or something else like it. He's alone except for the stranger and while they're kind enough he really wants to just sit against someone he knows and cry for a while.

The stranger leads him to a spot that's out of the way, as much as there is a way here. They seem to have figured out he doesn't like touching at least. The moment they stop he immediately leans against the slight wall of the... Wherever they are. Cave? No, there's no roof in sight, though it does remind him of the few times hes visited the caverns. It's more like a trench. The stone is cold under his hands and doesn't feel like home. The person who guided him says something about calling if he needs them, and he nods but from the look on their face they don't entirely believe him, which, fair. He can see their mouth moving but he can't hear them, his heart pounding in his ears.

When they leave he finally starts crying. Hes honestly surprised he held it off as long as he did. He didn't realise he would have to keep going afterwards. He walks further into this place. Maybe it is a cave, maybe it connects to the caverns. He doesn't want to be alone. Maybe if he keeps walking, he can get back. Why did he want this? This loneliness? Maybe if he had been more patient he could have gotten used to- maybe if he just talked to them he could have- they would have- he can't- he-

"Famous."

He knows that voice.

"Sosa?"

His voice is weak and streaky, but Sosa won't care about that. Calm and steady Sosa, who loved her family, who loved her team, who loved her life and who even liked the terrible game they were all forced to play, at least before the umpires started killing people. Maybe even after that.

She- shouldn't be here. But she is. Because she's dead, and now Famous is too. Famous starts crying again- did he even stop?- and leans against her.

"Oh, Famous," Sosa sighs, "I missed you. I didn't want to see you so soon, though."

He's not sobbing, he tends to cry quiet, but his words are getting tangled just the same. "It's been, it's been a day," he chokes out, "just a day."

She hums, something formless and comfortable. He still hurts, is still crying, but sitting against the stable pillar that is his friend he can almost start to feel safe. Home is a lifetime away, is a group of people they both long for and never want to see, but together, maybe they can build something safe.

2.

The two tend to stay in their spot. The natural stone walls are comfortable, familiar compared to the elegant and impersonal columns closer to the center of the hall. They aren't totally alone- they have each other, of course, and sometimes other shades will come by, bringing news from the immaterial plane or just spending time in the former Magic players' quiet company. But the two don't seek out others, are content to rest together. (An exception: when Sosa hears Jessi Wise of the Fridays, Bevan's cousin three or four times removed, was incinerated, she makes a point to seek them out, and drags Famous with her.) Sosa said once that too much conversation was hard for her, so for the most point she saves her words for visitors. She mostly hums, when it's just the two of them, leaving Famous to carry the conversation if he wants it. He doesn't mind.

He still hurts. Everyone in the Hall can feel when someone is incinerated, but his pain lingers. He asked Sosa, once, if she could feel it, even days after.

"The longest pain I felt was yours," she had said, "And that only lasted until you stopped crying."

He kept hurting well past then, but he didn't tell her that. He thinks she knows anyway.

[❦]

Famous usually talks at Sosa about anything that comes to mind. Sometimes she even joins in, but she hadn't started a conversation herself since Famous was... since Famous arrived.

The first conversation Sosa starts in a long time goes like this.

"Famous."

"Yeah, Sosa?"

"Do you," she starts, then quieter, "do you think we'll ever see the sun again?"

"Hmm." Famous... he doesn't know what he thinks. He didn't believe in any kind of afterlife, despite Hades' existence. He didn't think Sosa did either.

He didn't think Sosa thought she could die.

"I don't know. I think I would like to."

"I miss it. I miss my family, and the team. I miss travelling."

"I miss the team too," he sighs. "I miss talking to them."

"I don't... want to see them. If that means they would be here. But I miss them."

"Mm."

They lapse into a comfortable silence for a time.

That silence is broken when Nora comes by. She was the one to bring him to Sosa's spot, one of few shades that actually knows where to find them and isn't just wandering. She's nice enough, but she is still very much a crab. Baltimore isn't the biggest city, not by a long shot, but it still has more people than the entirety of Wyoming.

This all to say, she's loud. She's enjoyable company and they; ve all swapped stories on many an occasion, but to the two Wyomingites, she's tiring to talk to. And the two Magic players are pretty tired already. He's hoping that she's just here to tell them about an update from the Monitor or something. At least then she won't mind as much as if they don't say much.

"I have some questions for you two," Nora says. So much for hoping.

"Shoot," says Famous.

"How do you keep this place stable?" Nora glances around their spot. It"s mostly just a cave, but there's some stuff around. Blankets and pillows, mostly, folded in one corner, but some instruments and a few books too. Elsewhere in the Hall, things don't last while they aren't in use. They can be summoned back, sure, but they don't just sit there like the things in this spot do. Famous shrugs.

"It may have something to do with my nature," Sosa says. "I don't believe there are any other pillars of basalt in the trench, at least not any that are sentient."

Nora puts her chin in her hand. "You may have a point."

"Anything else?" Famous asks.

Nora shakes her head. "I'll leave you two alone. You can always come out and talk to the rest of us, when you'd like."

"We will." He hopes he means it.

3.

Sosa has been spending more time outside their spot. He can't resent her for that, she can do as she likes and her making more friends can only be a good thing. Famous stays, though. he cant bring himself to wander the Hall, at least not the trafficked parts. The chance of meeting someone new is anxiety inducing. He's never been good at first impressions.

With each new member of the hall, the pain of a new death is more divided. Sosa says she barely feels it anymore, but he still hurts the same as when it was his own soul burning. Despite this, life, or something like it, goes on. He hardly leaves the little cave they've stabilized, though he's gone out enough that he knows the area around them. He's out right now, since Sosa is having some friends over and it's gotten a bit overwhelming. According to them, since they actually talk to people, the newest arrival said that it was almost the end of season 4, though it's been a while since Doyle showed up.

It's been a very long time since Famous last saw the rest of the Magic. He wonders if the team remembers him.

There's not much he can do about it if they don't.

Suddenly- a burning, aching, soul deep pain. How everyone else has gotten used to it, he doesn't know. He leans against a close wall, and oh, look at that, he's closer to the main Hall than he thought. There's the crowd, though they look more confused than anything. He doesn't really want to deal with that many people, so turns to go back, but before he can -

"Hey, Famous!" A vaguely familiar voice calls out. There's no good way he can get out of this, so he just walks towards the crowd. The figure the voice belongs to waves him over. Famous should probably recognize them, but he sure doesn't!

"What is it?" Famous asks, then stops. Oh, oh no.

The voice is saying something else, but he doesn't hear. Instead, he feels a voice he hasn't heard in years.

Hey, Famous. Been a while huh? Oh, kid, don't cry, come on. The boiling mass of water and bacteria that makes up one of his oldest friends gestures toward a wall. The figure who called him over in the first place is clearing the area, which is nice of them.

"Turq- I- We- Sosa, we have a, a spot. That's out of the way."

Alright. Let's go, yeah?

"I. How is, how is this hitting me so- so much harder than you."

Come on, Famous. I'll tell you everything when we get to where we're going. But you have to lead the way.

Sosa's friends had left before the two of them reached their spot, which Famous is glad for. He didn't want to deal with meeting new people, he just wanted to collapse into whatever soft things had accumulated and have a good cry and catch up with Turq.

God, Turq.

They're clearly tired when they get to the spot, but when Sosa spots them all three of them just collapse for a moment. They don't have to pretend to be alright. Maybe they will be alright later, but for now they can grieve each other and what they've lost.